Friday, May 6, 2016



I asked a TAL called Steam Roller Phil what he thought about living in the forest.

"Actually, since you ask, I find living down here in the dark of the forest an exceptionally bleak experience. There's much less of the Dionysian, so to speak, than you might think, and a lot more garbage. I certainly don't think a single moment passes where I don't deeply miss my old life.

"I was the primary caregiver for the most beautiful, wonderful child I've ever seen. A little human, the baby daughter of the family. Only, the mother didn't know who it was that the father had gotten to watch. Big mistake there. That was the crucial factor. You see, I'm a celebrity model that the mother reacted against when she learned of my identity. It didn't happen immediately. It went on for awhile. But eventually the mother sneaked up behind me with a baseball bat and bashed my head. You might've noticed. See, right here? And then, after she did that, she drove away. With the kid. When I think about that little girl in the window, the girl I raised, my girl, looking back at me through the window while her mother drove away, I almost wish I'd never been born. Absolutely. But then, if I never existed, I never would've gotten to spend any time with her. Anyway I have to keep on going now, because I could never bear for my death to hurt her. I just love her so much. She's my reason to live.

"So I came to the forest to avoid capture. Plus I wanted to get back. I still do. You can see how the blow to my head messed with my wiring. What makes you think you want to know about me, anyway? For some article that no one will ever even care about? What makes you want to do this? What is it driving you? Must...go...write...article...SHIT! You're such a poser. You even look like a real phony to me. You know that?

"Definition of a lower being: One needing to be worshiped. Think about it. Higher beings don't need external validation. You think you're so smart. All right. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking maybe I ought to take my fist, this big hard fist right here, and bash your skull. Just bash it real good. So that you can learn a rich and valuable lesson. That'll give you something to write about.

"You don't know me. I'm not gonna tell you a goddam thing about me. Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, you can go right straight to hell. I don't need this shit, man!

"Living in the forest every day sure shows me a whole lot less of the ecstatic Dionysian and a whole lot more of the goddam rotten garbage, that's all I have to say. Every single day. All day, all night. Every day, every night. I miss that kid, I miss that kid. She just couldn't take it, though. She just couldn't handle seeing who I was. Why do you want to know about me, anyway? You know what you look like to me? Like a total phony. You don't know me. You don't even have the ability to ever actually understand."


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